It’s that moment when you wake up and realize that you can’t continue to live this way…that you’ve spent the majority of your life existing. Not living, but rather only doing your life, replaying past events, or trying to suppose what the future might bring. I had that aha moment and it left me feeling like I had lost so much, and yet I knew I couldn’t dwell on the past. I thought of the quote by James Sherman that says “You can’t go back and make a new start, but you can start right now and make a brand new ending. So, that’s what I decided to do, but the problem was what did it look like to really live because if I was going to make a new start I wanted it to be what God wanted, not what I had been doing.

As I thought about my life, I could see that I mostly just did the next thing I needed to do. I always had something to do, something on my list. I lived for each moment and the next, but I never lived in the moment. I think I only knew how to do things that were required of me; whether that was taking out the trash, taking one of our kids to school or an activity, or working, etc. I was always thinking about the next thing I needed to do, and so I missed out on the moments I had because I was always planning for the next. I believe that living as God intended, requires me to live in this moment in time because it’s the only thing I have and it’s the only thing that’s real. I can’t go back and change the past nor can I predict what the future will bring. 

What if I just took in the moment? I have a friend that says if you go somewhere you might as well be there. As I started to look at myself, I realized that I typically was somewhere physically, but my mind was elsewhere. I was thinking a million things a minute and I never enjoyed what was right in front of me because I wasn’t present mentally. I know this is not what God intended for me and so to surrender to God, I needed to start becoming aware of when I have checked out of a situation. I can notice when I pick up my phone in the middle of something else. I can be aware of how my mind starts to drift off and recognize that I have a choice as to whether I entertain the thoughts that come into my mind. I know that I need God’s help and some tools to start being able to really live in the moment.

The first and most important thing I can do is stop and pray just a few words asking for God’s help. By acknowledging my inability to do it on my own, I am allowing His spirit to work in and through me. One of the skills I am learning is the art of using my senses to bring me back to the here and now. I may close my eyes and take a deep breath, what do I smell? Or I can experience what I am eating by slowing down and noticing all my senses including taste. What about sounds? What do I hear at this moment? I can look around, notice what I see, and take time to take in the beauty around me. I can also choose to physically feel where I am right now. If I am sitting, can I feel the weight of my body in the chair, what does that fabric feel like, what does my body feel like? All these thoughts bring me back to where I am at the present moment and help me to enjoy what God has placed before me in the here and now. Do other things start to come into my mind? It’s okay, I notice it, surrender them to God and gently push them away. I do this as often as I need to. The more I practice this, the easier it gets. It’s amazing what I begin to see and notice when I truly allow myself to be fully immersed in the moment. 

This mindfulness of being captured by what’s going on right now can also help with my listening and communication skills. Yes, maybe I have a million things to do today; but when someone else is talking to me, maybe I can be present with them until they are done. If my mind starts to drift off, I again need to gently bring it back and really think about what this person is saying.  Am I curious about the point they are trying to make or am I thinking about how I will respond? Are my own feelings about what they are saying getting in the way? Can I repeat what they said back to me? Maybe I can try that. Can I seek to understand and ask clarifying questions to better understand what they were saying? Can I let go of my pride long enough to empathize with what they think or believe rather than trying to teach them or show them what they are feeling is ‘wrong’ in my not-so-humble opinion? If I start thinking about what I am going to say when they are done; I put into practice the same process of noticing, surrendering and gently pushing them away every time my listening starts to drift to my thoughts. In this way, I am connected to the person and the conversation better.

Practice for Today

Today I will remember that my living in the moment is less about trying and more about surrender. I will choose to be aware of when I am not in the moment and ask God to help me return to earth. When I fail, I will offer myself grace and patience and ask God for help, remembering it is a journey. I will keep in mind the old saying “Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is God’s gift, and that’s why we call it the present.”

Psalm 118:24 This is the day the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it.

Matthew 6:34  Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own

Phil 3:13b  But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead,