As I sit down to write this blog, I am struck by the thought that I really have no idea what I’m going to write about today. To be honest, I am at a place of being physically, mentally and emotionally exhausted, feeling like I am fighting something off, as well as dealing with multiple layers of personal grief. It has been a month since my last blog and in that 4 week timeframe I have walked through unexpended death and the subsequent funerals, flying to Buffalo and moving our daughter 1800 miles across the country for the summer, flying home from San Antonio, going to contract on selling our business, my husband being picked for a 7 day jury trial which made him only able to do our work early or evenings and the weekend and us flying to and from the Chicago area to move my over 90 year old parents to assisted living. As well as, helping my brother and sister in law clean out our parents house to prepare it for an estate sale and ultimately the house going on the market. All of this going on while trying to complete 2 large work contracts and 2 personal customers who are ready to use their boats for the summer, and my normal workload. I have been working evenings and weekends when I have been home, just to try to catch up. I share all of this not because I want sympathy, but rather because it illustrates to me how crazy the last month of my life has been. It has left me with very little gas in the tank and feeling weary. As I write the details I know why and acknowledge that some seasons of life are like that. Perhaps the reason I feel the way that I do is not because of all that has gone on, but rather because I’ve been trying to do it in my own strength.

When I try to operate in my own strength, I think I can’t take a break. I believe the lie that there is no time to rest, no time to take a day off, no time to write this blog. Yet, as I ponder this in my heart and mind I realize that working to the point of exhaustion is rooted in fear; I have so much to do and not enough hours to do it in, so I must press on and continue to go even though I’m running on fumes. I think there are brief periods when I do need to press on even when I am tired; however if what I am pushing through is God’s will for me, He will provide me the strength to carry on. Often I think it is me pushing when God is calling me to rest. We all need rest. God provided the example of rest during the creation account in Genesis, and Jesus sometimes took the time to rest when He was weary or to get away by himself with God.  In Mark 6:31 Jesus tells the disciples “Come with me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest” and they were working directly with the Savior of the World. I too need rest and when I choose to ignore the way my body is feeling to press on, sometimes God can force us to rest through unforeseen circumstances.

Psalm 23 tells us that the Lord makes us lie down in green pastures, leads us beside quiet waters and restores our soul. He will lead me to the quiet waters with Him, however, how often do I choose my way and miss the opportunity for fellowship with the King of Kings and His quiet presence. He allows me the free will to accept his leading to quiet water, however, when I don’t take the rest He is calling me to, I find sometimes He makes me lie down in green pastures. If I do not choose to follow His lead for rest, eventually my human body working in my own strength will be forced to rest. I may end up sick or so exhausted that I have no capacity to do anything because I literally can no longer go on. This is not God’s will for me. 

As I ponder my weariness, I can’t help but think of Jesus’ words in Matthew 11:28-30 NIV: “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Maybe I’ve come to Him with my weary soul, however have I been willing to accept His rest or have I just kept going. Or maybe I’m weary and instead of taking up Jesus’ yoke, I am taking up my own yoke and asking Jesus to carry my load that I have chosen as a burden for myself. It is also possible that I choose to pick up other people’s burdens that they can do for themselves. Then I wonder why my life is so busy and I never have any time to rest or take care of myself. Perhaps God did ask me to carry something, however I am trying to accomplish His five mile run in my one mile time frame. Ultimately, if what I am carrying is not God’s will for me or His timing, it will leave me feeling spent every time. 

I think part of my struggle with rest has been a rigid idea of the amount of it needing to be a whole day and what it should be. However, when I am open to His guidance I can get rest even in small moments and things. Yesterday morning I was just plain weak and as I paused to check in with God, I knew what I needed at that moment. I sat with God for a half an hour, just talking to Him. I was real and honest, letting out the emotions that have been building up over the past month with no space to release them. I cried and I told Him how my heart was hurting and broken and my body physically hurt. I also admitted how I was struggling with self-pity and the sentiment of our children which was ‘life isn’t fair.’ I thanked God for His constant presence and comfort, allowing His peace to wash over me. In the afternoon I just needed to sit on the sofa for a few minutes with my feet up, relaxing and not really doing anything. Last night, I let go of my original dinner plans, giving myself permission to make something easy. I let God lead my rest today, which felt good. Maybe tomorrow my rest could be reading a good book or next week my rest could be a hike in God’s beautiful creation.

Practice for Today

Before I pick up anything, I will pray first to see if it is my burden or someone else’s. When I find my body physically exhausted or my mind and spirit weary, it is a good opportunity to pause and pray to God for guidance and self-reflection. I will check in with Him and listen, following His lead when I need rest, even if it doesn’t seem like I have the time. I will remember that rest is not a weakness that both God and Jesus took time to do. I can accomplish more with God ordained rest and less time, than working in my own strength when I am exhausted and weary. Time with God as He leads will refresh and renew me, allowing space for me to be filled with His strength to do all that He wills for me. I will be open to new and different ideas of rest from Him. 

Psalm 23 ESV

A Psalm of David. The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want.

He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside still waters.

He restores my soul. He leads me in paths of righteousness for his name’s sake.

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.

You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; you anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows.

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, and I shall dwell in the house of the LORD forever.