As I write this, I think about how everything in my life has brought me to this moment!  I am grateful to God for my life with all of the struggles, the victories, the difficulties, the easy days, the bad choices, the wise choices, the ups, the downs and everything in between.  I know in my heart of hearts, that He truly does work all things for good and that it is only His grace that has brought me here.

I have believed in God since I was a child and about 17 years ago I moved from belief to a personal journey with Jesus. From the start of that journey, I have loved God and longed to know more about HIm.  I read His Word and learned more, grew in my relationship with Him, and had powerful times experiencing His presence. It was beautiful…and yet something wasn’t quite right.  As the storms of life came; there was an emptiness that could not be filled, a loneliness that could not be broken, and feelings of always being restless, irritable and discontented.  I didn’t know why, but it seemed that no matter how hard I tried I could not find joy.  I found moments of happiness that were fleeting, but I generally despised my life and really had no desire to live anymore.  It wasn’t that I wanted to take my life, but I was so weary I couldn’t imagine another day. And yet I went on, trudging through every day miserable.  I could not understand, I had a beautiful life of blessings from God and yet all I could see was the storm clouds.  It was here at my lowest that God brought me to the rooms of recovery. That was almost 2 years ago.

So, God led me to recovery work and began a new part of my journey that would connect the dots of what I couldn’t see before.  I began to see where my faith had been blocked,  how my past has shaped me today and how in my journey I had really learned some ways of dealing with life that were not beneficial.  I saw how those things were keeping me from moving forward.  It was time to leave some baggage behind; baggage I didn’t know I was carrying.  

Then I began the really challenging work of looking at myself and integrating this with my faith journey.  I believe that it is what discipling looks like; it is integrating what we know about God in our heads with our hearts and how to live that everyday walk with Jesus. God tells us in Romans 12:2 to not be conformed to the patterns of this world, but to be transformed by the renewing of our mind.  And so that’s what ‘Reflective Renewal’ is; a place of renewal by reflecting on our behaviors, motives, perspective, fears, expectations, feelings, desires, reactions and by reflecting the person, character and light of Jesus; as we turn our will and our lives over to Him.

I pray that this will bless you, stretch you, and grow you in your faith with Him. I pray you would have the courage to look at yourself fearlessly and honestly.  I pray that you will see how there are things in your life that God is asking you to let go of and leave behind. I pray you will allow the Holy Spirit to move into those empty places and lastly I pray that you will see God’s glory as you journey with Him.

I have to give all the glory to God as He has led me on starting this and led me to recovery.  Because of that, I am forever grateful to my recovery program and how the ideas presented there are a beautiful gift and map for disciple living.