Oh how I long for things in my life to change…I want to have more time and feel less rushed, lose weight and get in better shape, my house less cluttered, less angry and more calm reactions to other people, my life to be more peaceful, have better relationships, the list goes on and on. Yet I don’t do anything different; I don’t wake up or leave any earlier, eat any different, work out regularly, commit some time to clean up, try something completely different than I ever have done before to make changes or focus on only one thing at a time. The reality is that while I do desire things to be different, often I don’t want to and am not willing to make changes in my life. I keep doing the same thing expecting different results and am frustrated when my life stays the same. That’s the definition of insanity and I’m doing it to myself. It’s almost like I expect God to wave a magic wand and make things exactly as I want them without making any effort or different choices on my part. Although I know that if I want something different I have to do something different, sometimes the path from my head to my heart is long and I struggle to accept things I know to be true. My friend shared a quote that surmises this idea very succinctly, “change nothing, nothing changes.”

As I began to really reflect on this idea in my life, I am seeing multiple areas where I have allowed myself to slip into the trap of just wishing for things to be different. I am a person who generally reads several different faith books at a time along with daily devotionals and the Bible. I love how I can see common threads and ideas woven through them all even when the topics range from my relationship with God to listening to boundaries. Usually I can allow God to speak to me and work on myself a little here and a little there by trying to incorporate multiple ideas at the same time. However, at the beginning of this year I felt like God was leading me to read only one book at a time along with the Bible and daily devotionals. I sensed the idea that I was supposed to focus on one thing with Him, but you know what…I kept doing what I have always done. I wasn’t willfully disobedient, however upon reflection I didn’t do what He was asking of me. I know this is not the first time or the only circumstances in which I have done this very thing.

Which leads me to ask the question why? As I ask God to search me, I find that there are many reasons why I continue to do the same things even when I desire change. I think sometimes it comes down to I want the benefit but I don’t want to commit to doing the work, the hard thing or discipline that is required. For example, I don’t want to get up earlier because I like sleeping in or work out more often because it’s hard, especially the older I get. Other times, I think my behavior is simply out of habit, because it is what I do without thought; just like reading multiple books. Sometimes I continue to do things I actually hate because they are comfortable to me and while I know I desperately need to do something different, I am actually fearful of trying something new like a group or counseling. It seems easier to stay the same rather than face the unknown. I know that there have also been times where I know God is calling me to either do or give up something and I simply don’t want to. My rebellious side acts as a defiant child who insists that I know better than the one who created me. One of the hardest reasons for lack of change is I try with all of my strength and I just can’t seem to do so. I feel defeated and stop trying because I figure why bother, I won’t be able to make any lasting change anyway.

While this attitude of giving up and not caring is really self-pitying, I do believe that there is something for me to learn that can answer the question of how. How can I not just desire or long for change, but actually have lasting change. It boils down 5 simple words: I can’t, but God can. What does this look like for me on a daily basis of how to live it out? It starts with me making a conscious choice to surrender myself completely by turning my will and my life over to Him daily. I ask for His will to be done in and through me. I look at myself honestly and I ask God to give me strength and courage to make changes. If I don’t want to, I ask Him to give me a willing spirit. I talk to God throughout my day, asking for guidance. If my mind strays, I take my thoughts captive by repeating a verse or saying the serenity prayer. When I mess up, just like my reading multiple books at once; I admit my error, ask God for forgiveness and move forward. I don’t need to make excuses or justify my actions and I also know it’s okay I made a mistake, after all I am human. I continue on this daily, sometimes moment by moment path knowing that I am powerless to change myself; but God can change me, I just have to be willing to do something different than I’ve always done.

Practice For Today

Before I start my day, I will take time with God to surrender and seek His direction for my day. I will ask Him to remove anything that stands in my way to make the changes I desire and He wills. I will choose to trust God and be patient and gentle with myself as I learn that even God led change takes discipline, diligence and time.

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can and wisdom to know the difference.    ~Serenity Prayer

Psalm 139:23-24 NIV     Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.

2 Corinthians 3:18 NIV     And we all, who with unveiled faces contemplate the Lord’s glory, are being transformed into his image with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.