I’ve always been the person who never says ‘no’ to much of anything. I believed that if an opportunity or a need was placed before me, that was God giving me a chance to serve. Over the years, I became bitter that my time was always consumed by others. I was so busy taking care of everyone else at the expense of myself and my family that I felt tired and overwhelmed most of the time. I was confused as to why God would ask this of me. What lesson was I missing here? As time wore on, I began to isolate myself as a way to protect or control my own space. This way, I would not have to feel bitter or resentful towards others. Most people never even knew my feelings, because I was incapable of setting a boundary, let alone having a conversation to resolve my  resentment and bitterness. Insert an eye roll and a sigh! 

How unfair to those around me and myself! Thankfully, as I have grown in my faith and age, that thought has changed. I have learned that it’s okay to say 1000 ‘no’s’ to 1 ‘yes’. Am I saying yes out of guilt, or is it from my heart? Is this something that I feel God is asking me to do? Sometimes I just need to be slow to respond, letting it sit for a while and praying about it. Of course, not all requests are earth-moving; but the ones that may require more of my time and/or resources might deserve a pause. If the one doing the asking respects and appreciates my time and help; they will be more than willing to afford me that time to respond. If they do not, then there is no need for guilt, and it is meant for me to let go and move on. 

As I allow God and my heart to speak, I now know that I can feel secure, respected, and at peace with saying ‘no’ by maintaining healthy boundaries and nurturing my own well-being. Saying ‘no’ does not mean that I love someone any less; it simply means that I am taking care of myself. Even though it is still hard to say ‘no’ and even more difficult to set boundaries, I am learning how by practicing it with safe people who will honor them. As I am growing and learning how to set boundaries, I am honoring myself and promoting healthier relationships. By harnessing my spiritual gift, I can create a safe space without the need for control and isolation that may lead to bitterness or resentment.

Practice for Today

Today I will work on taking a pause and seeking God before I say ‘yes’ or offer my assistance to someone. I will feel secure and confident in my response whether it is a ‘yes’ or a ‘no’ as it is final. There will be no guilt attached to my response and I will be able to move past it.

Matthew 5:37 Let what you say be simply “Yes’ or ‘No’; anything more than this comes from evil.