Expectations

I think it is so interesting to learn that things I don’t even know about myself can get me in a lot of trouble in my mind.  I guess I never really thought that I had a lot of expectations, I had the illusion that I just kind of lived my life.  Now I see that every day I have a lot of should and should not statements about the world around me. When things don’t measure up to those standards, I end up with negative emotions in me that I now know are because I have a lot of expectations of…well everything.

It starts the moment I wake up. I have an expectation of what my day will look like. I want to have a quiet peaceful morning without interruption, the coffee maker has made my coffee, and a hot shower with good water pressure, and that’s all before I’ve even left my house.  Then I go out and expect the drive should take me the same amount of time as usual; and driving…well in case you didn’t know, everyone should drive exactly like me. I think people should deal with their feelings like I do, the cashier should be nice and friendly, people shouldn’t die young, people will get their item and move on, I will make it back home today when I leave, the list goes on and on.  I guess as I look at myself, I realize that while I think I am just living my life; I have had a mountain of standards for everyday living that are mostly outside of my control. Living this way has allowed a lot of annoyance and frustration to be a regular part of my life that if I don’t deal with right away, can continue to irritate long past the moment and easily become bitterness and resentment.

I know that is not God’s plan for my life, so I started simply with praying daily Psalm 51, asking God to create in me a clean heart and a new and right spirit within me. I think through this God is teaching me to look at everything in a new way. So I started a gratitude list, because if I can learn to be grateful for my life as it is I can start to find more joy.  Every day I write down at least 3 things I am grateful for and the more I write, the more I start to notice lots of little things to be thankful for, even hard things.  By doing this I appreciate the quiet morning, the coffee being ready, a hot shower and that I made it home safely today.  I am actively choosing to let go of the expectations and change the lens of my perspective by seeing what I take for granted and turning it to gratitude.

God is also revealing how my expectations make it hard for me to love others as Jesus loves me.  By seeing that my expectations of others are rooted in pride, I can choose to live and let live, knowing that what works for me may not work for everyone.  This allows me to have more patience as I go through my day.  I can just accept the slow driver or the impatient one behind me because they just drive differently than me, are running late or maybe they are having a bad day.  I can be aware that the person who is taking forever in front of the turkeys may be having a hard time finding what they are looking for and while I try not to do that I bet I sometimes do. In humility, I can look at other people knowing I have been there and we are all doing the best we can with what we have. This makes space in my heart to offer kindness, empathy, compassion, grace and mercy to others and, instead of being frustrated and upset, I can love others right where they are at.

Practice for Today

 I will remember that expectations are premeditated resentments and that I have a choice whether to hold on to them or let them go.. They are a learned behavior that is no longer serving me well and strips me of my peace.  I have a right to make a standard of living for myself but I have no right to impose that standard on other people.  I will choose to live my life looking with expectancy to what God will do next but let others live the life they choose.

Psalm 51:10-12 Create in me a clean heart, O God, and put a new and right spirit within me. Do not cast me away from your presence and do not take your holy spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of your salvation and sustain in me a willing spirit.

Proverbs 10:28 The hope of the righteous bring joy, but the expectation of the wicked will perish