Faith vs. Trust
I am learning a lot about myself and while I thought that my faith and trust went hand in hand; I understand now that is not necessarily true. I always thought that because I had faith in God, I trusted Him; however I am realizing that my faith has been a journey from belief to faith to growing trust.
I was exposed to church from the time I was baptized as a baby. I went to Sunday school and was taught about God and His son Jesus and the sacrifice He made. As I think about growing up, I don’t think I ever remember a time that I didn’t believe in God or ever doubted if He was real. I believed what I learned in church about God and that Jesus is who He says He is, but I didn’t read the bible or ever really think about Him except on Sundays. I didn’t know that God was a personal loving God and that Jesus died to draw me near. I always saw Him as a punishing God who was something far off and untouchable. I thought I had to do enough good things to make sure I was in His good graces and maybe even get to go to heaven.
As an adult, I started attending Christian churches where I learned about both God and Jesus longing for a relationship with me. I began to find a loving close God. I started reading and studying the bible and learned so much. I came to see how Jesus’ sacrifice was for each and every one of us personally, including me. I learned how when Jesus died the curtain that separated us from God was torn from top to bottom and that I had direct access to Him. I came to understand Romans 8:38-39 that nothing can separate us from the love of God and that nothing we have done, no matter how bad, makes us too far gone to be saved. I began to learn the teaching of Ephesians 2:8 that my faith in Him saves me and it is a gift; there is nothing I can do to earn it. My faith changed from belief to a saving faith that could receive the benefits of the faith. I had a growing relationship with God and my faith was strong. I thought I trusted Him; but I really only trusted His presence, forgiveness and the certainty of heaven. I didn’t yet trust Him with all the details of my life. Trusting God in this life meant I had to let go of all the circumstances and the outcomes, but I wasn’t quite there yet.
I’ve heard it said that faith is like watching a high wire act where you have confidence that the person pushing the wheelbarrow on the high line will make it across and trust is being willing to get into that wheelbarrow myself. That is complete trust because the outcome is not in my hands, I am completely powerless and there is nothing I can do. As I walked my journey with God, I did not like the way some things were going in my life. I refused to accept them and tried to make what I wanted. I was trying instead of trusting and leaning on my own understanding. I thought that if I just worked harder, I could force solutions that I liked better. I was white knuckling through life trying to get it to fit into the mold of what I thought life should look like. It was exhausting. The more I forced my will and it didn’t go my way the more bitter I became. I started to despise life and I hit a rock bottom where I didn’t even want to live. But God met me right where I was at to make what I knew in my heart and believed in my head to come together by tangible acts to grow both my relationship and trust in Him. I am learning to accept life on life’s terms. I choose to see the blessings and gifts of everyday life and remember what God has already done. I surrender to His will every day through prayer and am beginning to let go of my white knuckle death grip of my life and let God. Little by slowly, my trust is growing day by day as I choose to see what He has already given me and take every thought captive. I am learning to find joy in the small things, laugh at the difficult ones and grieve the hard times; after all this life is the only one I’ve got. It’s simple things that have not always been easy, however I am seeing and experiencing the peace of my growing trust in God. That trust allows me to be able to know that no matter what happens, I will be okay. He always is, always was and always will be trustworthy and the God who works all things together for good.
Practice For Today
Today I will choose to accept my life as it is right now and work with God to allow positive change in me. I will continue to take moment by moment steps to grow my trust in God. I will choose to see what He has already given me and remember what He has already done. Belief is knowing God is there, faith is knowing God is there for me personally, and trust is clinging to and depending on Him being there for me. I will make the decision to trust Him by releasing it all into His hands and watch with expectancy to see what He will do.
Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.