I think that most things with God are in a rubber band tension that at first glance may seem contradictory. This past week my husband and I were talking about a person whom I have struggled with because he says he is a Christian, yet I feel like he looks like the world. I don’t feel very comfortable around him because I lack trust and was attempting to explain my reasons. As I was listing my concerns, I had the insight that another person I have more trust and a relationship with is very similar to the other person. I began to feel a little self righteous as I looked at what I determined as unloving and ungodly character in both individuals. While I was talking to God about it, I felt like He reminded me by the same measure you judge others, you will be judged (Matthew 7:2). While I believe that God says I can look at others’ actions to make choices as to how I would like to interact with them or offer my time or trust, I don’t get to judge where each person is at in their walk with God or dictate what they need to be doing. I have my own journey with God that I need to focus on.

I feel like these two things are difficult for me to hold in tension. As I look at myself, I realize that growing up I learned to be judgemental of others. I was constantly measuring others against myself as an attempt to gain self worth by saying I am not as bad as this person or I’m better than that person because I knew there were people better than me. Ironically, I believe this mode of thinking increased my insecurity and feelings of not enough, while simultaneously fanning the flames of self-righteousness. In this mode of operation I used the word should a lot, but mostly applied to other people, rarely to myself. When I looked at what I believed others were supposed to be doing or where they should be at, I never believed I was judging others. I have been the epitome of the verse Matthew 7:3, Why do you see the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? I could see what I believed everyone else should be doing and notice how other people were proud, hypocritical, fearful, self-absorbed, judgy or a victim; but I could not see it in myself.

At the same time, I did not think that I could make judgements about others because as a Christian I am called to love. Without many personal skills and attempting to love others the only way I knew how, I allowed others to walk all over me and became a doormat. I didn’t believe I could say no, choose that I didn’t want to be around certain people or set boundaries because I thought that would not be loving of me and I would be judging them. My co-dependent, people pleasing mind looking for outside validation believed that as a servant, God calls me to do whatever, whenever someone wants and to be loving means I have to say yes at any expense, even to my own self-destruction. It has taken a lot of work, growth and God opening my eyes to be able to see where I had no idea how to love myself or others and how the true love of Jesus is different from the world’s view of love that sometimes may not feel loving.

As He opens my eyes, I am beginning to see love through the lens of honesty and loving myself enough to make choices that honor God, myself and others. My husband used to tell me that people vibed him and I would admonish him for that because it felt judgy to me, however I think it was really the gift of discernment as he could sense things about people that I had no clue. God has grown His discernment in me, however the tricky part has been to not use it to judge people and make decisions about them separate from the love of God. The same holds true as I look honestly at people’s actions and not their words. Both can be an opportunity for me to recognize that I may need to proceed with caution, make a choice not to be around a certain person or set a boundary. Sometimes the only way for me to honor God and love another person while loving myself is to do so from a distance. God does not call me to like everyone or be in a personal relationship with every person to show the love of God; some people are not safe or a temptation for me and that’s okay.

As I allow God to open my heart, mind and eyes, I am seeing people I have judged and made a decision about their faith or walk with Jesus, when only God knows each man’s heart. I cannot begin to know what another has walked through; their motives, thoughts or prayer life; their attempts at progress or the journey they are on with God. While I can use discernment or take their words and actions to make choices for myself, I may not use that information to make judgments about them or their path. As I heard someone once say: we don’t get to pray for people’s destination and judge them on their journey…each of us has our own! 

Practice For Today

Today I will ask God to search my heart and mind for attitudes that are not of His will and be aware of my propensity to judge people on their journey instead of managing my own. I will remember I am not the judge of other people and yet cognizant I can make wise choices about how I interact with them. I will pray for the ability to see the log in my own eye; as well as God’s will for me and the power to carry out His love in a way that honors Him, myself and others. When I notice my mind drifting to opinions and expectations of people, I intend to stop and pray for God’s will in their life as they journey with Him. Today I choose to keep my eyes fixed on Jesus and stay in my lane, praying for His gentle guidance and correction when I stray off course.

Galatians 6:3-4 NIV     If anyone thinks they are something when they are not, they deceive themselves. Each one should test their own actions. Then they can take pride in themselves alone, without comparing themselves to someone else,

Romans 2:1 ESV     Therefore you have no excuse, O man, every one of you who judges. For in passing judgment on another you condemn yourself, because you, the judge, practice the very same things.