Certain things I read can tend to knock me off of my proverbial high horse and can even feel like a 2×4 to the head. I have been reading Oswald Chambers’ My Utmost for His Highest this year and sometimes the challenging things I read in that book tend to land that way. The devotion for February 7th was no exception. The quote that really hit me was “Whenever we insist that God should give us an answer to prayer we are off track. The purpose of prayer is that we get ahold of God, not the answer.” It got me thinking about how my desire for answer to prayer is really my desire for my will and how often in my waiting I have demanded an answer by asking God to show me a sign, like closing one door and opening another so that I know it’s His will. When I read that day, it occurred to me that perhaps if I sought and wanted Him more than anything, I would find peace in the comfort of being close to God rather than a clear direction, sign I seek, the timing I want or an answer to prayer.

Prayer is my way of communicating with God, just like I would talk with a friend in person or on the phone. When I think about those interactions, I see a pattern of back and forth communication. We talk, we listen, we learn about each other’s life, the highs and the lows and everything in between. We share our thoughts and our hearts, not just facts or details and are willing to show up for each other. It is in all these things that a friendship grows and blossoms. With people where the relationship is more one sided, I don’t necessarily consider them friends or like to be around them much. Yet, how often is my communication with God a back and forth and do I openly share the depths of my heart or just come to HIm with a laundry list of requests? Similarly, my husband and I have talked about how challenging it is when our kids only call us because they want something. Yet, how often have I treated my relationship with God in these ways of making it all about me, doing all the talking and only coming to Him when I want something.

Admittedly, I am not a great listener, although I am better than I used to be. Often, my racing mind moves ahead and I struggle to focus on what someone is saying in the moment. Often it seems as though I speak twice as much as I listen, which is the opposite of what it should be since God gave me two ears to listen and only one mouth to speak. It is even more of a challenge when I spend time with God, although I’m not trying to focus on words, but rather on Him and His presence. With all of the worldly distractions and things vying for my attention, it is a real discipline to silence my mind and be quiet before Him to give Him the opportunity to speak. I long for God to provide me wisdom and direction for His will in my life because I know it is the only thing that will bring true joy and satisfaction into my life. Yet, do I give Him the opportunity? It is hard for God to speak and for me to hear what He is saying when I fill every moment of my day with something: music, games, TV, podcasts, books, you name it. I’d like to think that I am consuming good content, however even those things that are about God are not God. Not that He can’t use those things to speak to me because I feel like He has many times in the past; it’s just realizing that those things are not just being in His presence.

I suppose that sitting in stillness before God includes what today I would call meditation, which simply means contemplation or reflection. I used to really dislike that word because for me it brought up a mental picture of someone sitting cross legged on the floor, eyes closed, hands in a circle shape making an om sound. However, I have found that in multiple places the Bible does instruct us to meditate on God, His word, His ways and what He’s done. All of those things are important ways that God speaks to me about different things. When I consider God, I can remember things about who He is and His character, such as God is love. When I meditate on His word, I can learn more about His direction, wisdom and will for my life, as well as His commandments that are life giving. In pondering His ways, I find the humility to acknowledge that I can’t begin to ponder the way He works. Lastly, when I ponder what He has done, I am reminded of His goodness and all that He has done in my life which grows my trust.

As I wander down memory lane thinking of all the ways He has taken care of me and shown up in my life it is truly humbling. He has carried me through some of the darkest days of my life and answered prayers I never even knew. Yet, the biggest thing He has ever done for me was save me from myself! I think about how when I first knew Christ it was as if I fell in love with Him, not because of answered prayers but the new awareness of being in His presence. I found joy in everything I did and obedience to Him was easy because my heart sang. I spent time with Him, basking in His glory with victory over all the struggles of this life. Similar to human relationships, the newness wore off and fears crept in. Yet, it was never the Lord who changed it was me; perhaps I thought He owed me something, for things to go my way, or my prayers to be answered. When I am seeking answers more than His presence, I know I am off course. Jesus said this to the church in Ephesus in Revelation 2:4, telling them they have abandoned their first love, to repent and return to what they did at the beginning. I think this is good instruction for me as well. I can pray Psalm 51:12 asking God to “Restore to me the joy of Your salvation and sustain me with a willing spirit.”  It is time for me to want His will, His presence and mostly Him more than anything like I did when I first came to Him.

Practice for Today

I will take the time for solitude before the Lord, choosing to spend time in His presence, just because I want to be with Him. I will bring myself to Him in abandon because I want to do more than love the Lord, I want to be in love with Him again like I was at the beginning. I will reflect on all He has done knowing that as I keep my mind fixed on Him I realize that I have no reason for anything but joy in my life and His faithfulness helps me to have confident trust in Him. It is time for me to have renewed victory over this life and my circumstances because no matter what storm is going on in my life I can choose to trust in continual surrender to God who does the work. He’s got this!

Psalm 143:5 ESV     I remember the days of old; I meditate on all that you have done; I ponder the work of your hands.

Isaiah 26:3 ESV     You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you.