It is crazy how quickly I can fall back into old habits and the kind of thinking that gets me in trouble. Although I have never focused on reducing anger, as I have been working on myself over the past few years, I have in general been far less angry than I used to be. However, last week I found myself spinning on the carousel in my mind and pretty soon I was angry and off the rails. I was talking to myself and muttering snide sarcastic thoughts under my breath. After allowing myself to sit in it for a while, I thought about that this wasn’t where I wanted to be. I pondered how I had mentally got here, and I realized that I had strayed from the daily steps I have taken which have relieved the intense anger I often felt before. I started back at the beginning by acknowledging that I only have power over myself and that my mind had spun out of control. I asked myself questions like why, what is the underlying cause and how have I and can I handle my anger in a way that is honoring to God, myself and the people around me.

I think that the first thing I need to remember is that anger is a God given emotion. It is not bad for me to be angry, the issue is what I do with my anger. Ephesians 4:26 tells us to be angry and do not sin, do not allow the sun to go down on my anger and do not give the enemy a foothold. The first part of verse 26 tells me to be angry AND do not sin, which I believe provides 2 specific instructions. The first is to allow myself to admit and feel the anger. If I just try to not be angry or say I am not angry it’s like cutting off the top of a dandelion and leaving the root, it will come back. The second is for me to handle it appropriately both in the moment and moving forward in time. I cannot do this on my own so I know that I must pray for God’s intervention to have His response and not my own. Proverbs 29:11 says that a fool always loses his temper, but a wise man holds it back. I have to keep my mouth shut long enough to allow Him to filter my thoughts and actions through His wisdom. In this way, I have a great jumping off point to be able to move forward with my anger in a positive way.

From here I have learned to see my anger as an indicator that I need to acknowledge my anger as my own and ask for revelation as to what is causing me to feel this way. First I need to take ownership of my anger, as it can be easy to try to pin it on someone else. I also find that often my first thought as to what I am angry about is not at all what is really bothering me. It is a good opportunity for me to pray Psalm 139:23, asking God to search me and reveal what is going on with me and why I am angry. There are times when something someone else said or did left me feeling angry. Sometimes it is because I am upset about something else entirely and it came out sideways. Other times it is related to me having unmet expectations or lack of acceptance. Additionally, there are times I feel anger because I have avoided a situation by not sharing my thoughts and feelings. Or perhaps I did not set a boundary with myself or another person and the anger is actually an agitation for not being true to myself. Once I see my anger rightly, I can move forward with God by choosing how to handle what has been revealed.

Ephesians 4:31 tells me how to deal with my anger moving forward by putting away all bitterness, wrath, anger, shouting and malice. At first, this seems a little contradictory to me, as I was just told to be angry. However, as I consider these things, I realize that it is talking about making a conscious choice with my anger to ‘not sin,’ which means I can’t hold onto it. As I think about the ways I can be angry, I see that in every situation there is a choice to be made that starts with coming to the foot of the cross. If my feelings are hurt because of something someone else said or did, I can choose to let go of them to God and forgive as I have been forgiven. When my anger is due to unmet expectations or lack of acceptance, I can choose to shift my perspective and be at peace with the person or circumstances. I can make a conscious effort to speak up and set boundaries in a way that honors God and others while taking care of myself. Of course, I can do none of this on my own; it is only by living my life with God and seeking to do His will that I can even have enough awareness to see any of this. By addressing these feelings as they come, I can deal with my anger in a way that never allows bitter roots to grow. The things listed in verse 31 are sprouts that come from me holding on to my anger, nursing resentments and justifying myself. By choosing to let go and trust God to handle it, my heart is free to love others well; offering grace, empathy, compassion and kindness to a lost and broken world. I feel lighter every step of the way and what do you know…I am not as angry as I used to be.

Practice For Today

Physical and mental self-awareness can help me to notice when I am angry about something so that I can deal with it before it becomes a hazard to myself and everyone around me. While I’d like to believe that most of my anger is justified, it is really a heart issue that is most often selfish and self-inflicted. By choosing to daily take the time to ask for God’s revelation to honestly see myself, my feelings and my motives; I can forgive others and shift my perspective freeing myself to live by preventing angry bitter roots from taking hold.

Proverbs 19:11 ESV  Good sense makes one slow to anger, and it is his glory to overlook an offense.

Psalm 37:8 ESV   Refrain from anger, and forsake wrath! Fret not yourself; it tends only to evil.