As I sit here this morning, my heart is heavy over a conversation I had with one of my adult children for whom I have so much love and respect. While our relationship has been strained multiple times since she was a preteen, we have enjoyed time together and chatting over the past couple of years. Perhaps, I had gotten too comfortable talking to her without thought and I spoke about something that if I stood back and thought about it, I knew would cause her hurt and pain. It’s not that I did anything wrong per se, I just got a little careless with my words, failing to pause and consider how what I was saying might impact her. I am now left with painful feelings of regret and the desire to apologize in humility for what I said and how it hurt her, if she will allow me. Perhaps in the future, I can take the time to pause and allow the Holy Spirit to filter my words to prevent remorse in me and love others as Jesus does, right where they are at in grace and truth. As I consider this situation as a learning opportunity, I look at the necessary steps that got me where I am now, and what I can do to allow God to heal and restore this situation and handle future ones differently.

Initially, I honestly had no idea what had happened, why she didn’t come over or had even considered that she might even be upset with me. It took her sister telling me for me to have any inkling about what was going on. At first I was really dumbfounded, however, after allowing God to open the eyes of my heart, I could begin to see the situation from her perspective. I can understand why she was hurt, after all, it was a topic that was a very fresh wound for her and I know there is the power of life and death in the tongue (Proverbs 18:21). I had to be willing to humble myself, not justify my words and open my heart to allow God to show me the self-awareness necessary to be able to see my error in this situation. I can’t lay at the foot of the cross something I don’t know is there, nor ask forgiveness from someone for something I don’t see. It is with awareness that I can begin to move forward with both God and my daughter.

However, moving forward is not a guarantee with only my awareness, I must be willing to also lay down my regret and accept that I cannot change what has already been done. Once I found out what was going on, I spent days wishing that I would have not said what I did or been more cautious with my words. I was on the slippery slope of if/then, should have or could have; all of which brought shame and put me into a place of regret. The reality is that regret gains me nothing and tethers me to the past, unable to live in today or move into the future. I can only live in this day and move on by using acceptance as scissors to cut the cord of something in the past I cannot change. What is done is done and no matter how much wishing I do, I cannot take back what I said, so it is time to let it go. In my acceptance, I am free to courageously take the next steps in healing and restoration by going to her in honest humility, as well as asking God to forgive me for not guarding my mouth (Proverbs 13:3) and to help me overcome my fear that she may reject my apology.

So, I boldly step forward in confidence that God will forgive me because He already has done so in my acceptance of Jesus as my covering, I am simply restoring our relationship. The other side of the equation is not as easy because she may or may not accept my amends, however, I know that I can trust God’s promise in Romans 8:28 which says that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. To live my own life, I must take the risk of putting myself out there by apologizing in humility for any hurt and pain I may have caused and then choosing to accept her response which I may not like. But God, He does what only He can do by working good in the waiting even though it may not seem good to me at this moment. It is in this action of fearlessly stepping out in faith and trust with prayer and thanksgiving that I must do what God is asking of me and I will find His peace, the peace that surpasses understanding. I have chosen to take this next step, trusting God with the outcome, waiting for her response and thanking God for the courage.

Practice for Today

Even though I often pray for God to set a guard over my mouth and keep watch over the door of my lips (Psalm 141:3), I will take the time to pause long enough to invite His Spirit into every conversation remembering that His guidance can help me to avoid injuring others with my words. Knowing that I will inevitably say things that I will regret, I will ask God to give me awareness by searching and showing me where I have followed my will and hurt others. I will accept that I cannot change the past and move forward into the future by taking the action of asking for forgiveness from God and apologizing for my actions that have wounded others, trusting God in the journey.

Proverbs 21:23   Whoever guards his mouth and tongue keeps his soul from troubles.

Matthew 5:23-24   Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift.