Today I am struck by my desire to have a perfect life; I expect things to go easy and life to always run smoothly and nothing bad or difficult to ever happen…but that’s not life. What’s interesting is that I know Jesus speaks about trouble in this world, but somewhere along the way I picked up the idea of a fairytale fantasy life.  I guess I knew that my life would be filled with both ups and downs intellectually but never made the head heart connection.

As I ponder this, I realize that it is all about my expectations. As I lived my life, I created expectations of what I thought it should look like.  I had a picture in my head and when my life didn’t match up to that image, I would try to strong arm anything that didn’t fit including my life circumstances.  This meant that not only was I trying to control other people, but I was also trying to force God’s will to my will. Of course, the problem with this is that I am not God and I am powerless over most things in my life.  My desire to make everything fit the picture left me feeling exhausted and angry.  

I think that I am learning to live the life that God has for me, accepting my ‘lot in life’ so to speak.  However, that doesn’t mean that I just sit back and allow life to toss me about the waves.  I need to do my part…which boils down to one word, surrender.  When I completely surrender my life, my thoughts, words and actions to God’s will I am opening the door to freedom.  The freedom to make choices to do things for myself in God’s will that bring me joy and peace.  The freedom to allow others, no matter how close to me, to make their own choices as well.  But, most importantly, the freedom that comes from letting go of my expectations and instead looking to each day with expectancy to see God moving in my everyday life. I find joy in this way of living, but struggle to not fall back to my old habits. Thank God for His patience and that He’s not finished with me yet. 

Practice for Today

At church we sang the old hymn It is Well With My Soul and our pastor talked about how at any given moment in our lives, whether close to us or far away, there can be lots of things or circumstances that are not ‘well’.  However, as believers because we have Jesus and our hope rests securely in Him, so no matter what goes on around me it can be well with my soul. Today I will work on making the choice moment by moment to choose to trust and surrender to the one who knows me and what is planned best.

Matthew 11:28-30 “Come to Me, all who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29 Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and YOU WILL FIND REST FOR YOUR SOULS. 30 For My yoke is comfortable, and My burden is light.”