Even though I have known Jesus as my personal savior and friend for almost 20 years, as God continues to open my eyes, I am often surprised to find out things I didn’t know about myself. One of the greatest gifts of recovery is that as I am working the steps, I find I am required to be absolutely and completely honest with myself, allowing the light of Jesus into the darkest recesses of my heart. Sometimes, this means I learn really amazing and great things about myself. Other times, I find that as I look at myself with fearless honesty I do not always behave in ways that I believe honor my Lord and Savior. One of the areas that God has recently revealed to me is that in some ways I do not give people the same latitude that I hope and often expect others would offer me. I guess this falls under the golden rule that I believed I walked out most days. I now know it was my pride and arrogance that blinded me to at least the following three areas where I have fallen short of applying “do unto others as you would have done unto you” in my life.

I was reading something about being aware of people that we have hurt and how even when I have the most noble and best of intentions I still can sometimes hurt people. I thought about not wanting those I care about to be hurt or walk through pain and how I think I can see the best path for them to take or the best decision to make. I realized this is an area where I perhaps could have hurt someone I love very much. I have not listened well to them and their feelings, nor tried to understand better by asking questions and staying focused on what they are saying to me. Instead, with the best intentions out of love, I have often offered things for them to try, solutions to their problems, and sometimes downright told them what I ‘knew’ they should do. Then, I am confused when they are upset with me; after all, it’s only because I love and care about them. I realize that this is a problem with a double standard: I want people to judge me by my intentions of love and care and yet I judge others by their actions.

When I offer my unsolicited opinion to others and tell others what I think they should be doing, I am disrespecting that person, their right to live their own life, and their ability to make their own decisions. If I am honest, when I am sharing with another, I don’t appreciate being told what to do; I want someone to listen and understand. Usually, I know what I need to do, what I don’t know is what to do with my feelings about it. Listening and not fixing is part of respect, allowing another person the dignity of making their own decisions. Respect is something we are all due as a human made in God’s image, and yet, for most of us, we believe respect is earned, not given. As I look at myself I realize that my actions of wanting others to simply listen to me indicates I believe I am worthy of that respect, while telling others what to do indicates the exact opposite. I guess I want to be freely given respect and perhaps think others need to earn it by making decisions I believe are the correct ones.

With this prideful attitude in hand, it becomes very difficult for me to be courteous to others. Courtesy is a kind of respect that shows up in the way I treat others. It is marked by kindness, grace, and mercy that we often afford strangers better than those we love. It allows me to listen well and be curious, not thinking I have their answers. When I offer courtesy to those around me, I long to know them better not make them better. It allows me to treat others the way I want to be treated, regardless of how they treat me. I can approach every interaction with wonder and seek to know someone’s heart and be confident their behavior is not a reflection of me. How often when someone comes on strong, angry or just seems upset do I respond in kind and match their energy? Courtesy is how I expect others to treat me and yet I often fail to offer that same consideration, respect, and courtesy to those closest to me.

As I look at these three areas, I find that I need God’s transformative power for me to overcome these human tendencies. I am grateful for the awareness that He has provided me and in humility, I can accept it as my reality, even though I would prefer to believe I implement the golden rule well. I now have the desire and the willingness to change and I ask the Holy Spirit to come and give me the power to do so.

Practice for Today

Today I will keep in mind that even when I have good intentions I can hurt other people and not offer them the kindness, respect, courtesy, and consideration every human should be offered, especially those closest to us. By esteeming and honoring others, I freely offer the love of Jesus to those around me. May I indeed deal with others as I think, expect, and hope others will treat me and I pray for His Spirit to empower me to do so.

Luke 6:31     “And treat others the same way you want them to treat you.

Matthew 7:12     “Therefore, in all things, whatever you want people to do for you, so do for them, for this is the Law and the Prophets.